Mom and Teacher

So its the end of week 5 of our first year of homeschooling. I felt like we were heading in the right direction this week even though there were curveballs thrown at us with non-school stuff. The kids seem to really be learning and they are enjoying learning at home with me. My son seems a bit more thoughtful than before and my daughter is starting to grasp concepts that just didn't click for her before. They are both excited to learn about new things and we started our day out with walking and some fun art with the charcoal we just got.

Well so much for our blissful school day I though t would happen. Its only noon now and today has proved that its still hard and we are still trying to figure out attitudes, schedules and expectations etc....the kids are bothin their room awaiting me to come speak to them about the choices they have made and the consequences of making them. My biggest frustration in homeschooling so far has been my role as both mom AND teacher and figuring out how to blend them together. I'm having a difficult time figuring out how too discipline the kids and still getting the work done that needs to get done . They are testing the waters for sure with bad attitudes, complaining, and questioning everything I ask of them. What do you do when your kids complain about having to the work, what do you do when they whine and get mad and stomp away when I've said that they need to take some time out and go sit in their room until they can come back and be ready and willing to learn and do their schoolwork.. I really don't want to spank them for school related items but at the same time they are truly being disobedient and disrespectful. I've taken things away, I've offered incentives, I'm at a loss today.....so I will give it to God

So here I go , off to each their rooms to talk it out now that I've calmed down and also they have had a time to reflect....BUT first I need to pray for God's wisdom and love right now.....

Homeschool & a pity party.......I think not!

So week 4 of homeschooling will be begin tomorrow and already I am feeling under attack. The kids and school are not so much the cause of this, but this weekend has proved to be difficult for my hubby and I. So why would this affect my homeschooling? Well, because, when I am having a hard time, I just want to crawl in bed with a cup of tea, get comfy , and escape in TV land where everyone's marraige seems so blissfully simple.... The thought of trying to teach my kids just doesn't sound like much fun and I want to have my pity party. Want to come?

Before you get worried, please know that I do know some truths in all of this.
Truth: I need to have some quiet time w/ God. I know that with him we will get through this and more than likely, we will be even bettter for going through it.
Truth: Forgiveness and Grace are gifts that were not only given to and shown to us, but we are told and asked to show this forgiveness and grace to others as well....even and especially to husbands
Truth: I LOVE my husband and our bumpy weekend seems small in comparison to the things we have overcome.
Truth: I'm sure he has felt neglected this past month while I have been engrossed in homeschooling stuff
Truth: I was probably at fault too....and I should probably admit it
Truth: Apparently God was homeschooling me (us) this weekend and we failed our class
Truth: Writing this all down and reading it reminds me that life is beautiful....MY life is beautiful and I am so thankful and blessed to be in it...
Truth: I will take what I have learned and teach my kids tomorrow with the love, joy , and grace that was given to me and it will be great!!!!

......But I think I will also have that cup of tea. :)

My kids have been in the public school system about 6 yrs and this year we knew we were being called to change that. I was very nervous, but with God's direction and the prayers and support from lots of friends, we began.....

Today was day 10 of homeschooling the kids this year. It was a very tough day full of raw emotions, failures, and forgiveness. I realized that my youngest is as stubborn or even just maybe a little more stubborn than I was when I was a child. Or rather, maybe he is much bolder in his stubborness than I was. The whole day I just kept saying "don't back down, be strong, stand firm, don't let him get his way, (and my favorite), I will win" . So if you know my son, I can tell you that he was thinking the SAME thoughts except I think his were compounded by the fact that his hormones are slowly changing and I was not being as patient as he needed me to be. Grace was not my best feature today by any means. Maybe I was so wrapped up in my pride and of being so right, I really didn't see that he was hurting. I don't even think he knows why he is hurting...I sure never found out, but it definitly was genuine frustration and exasperation.

I spend way too much time thinking that I can't let them "get away" with things, that I'm not opened to the fact that they might need a mom who will take the high road and find another solution instead of demanding they obey the solution I felt was right in the beginning. Surely I don't mean that I will let them get away with something that is wrong or that consistency isn't necessary , because I believe it most certainly is. But I need to really take each moment of frustration and disobedience and tailor according to what will help them truly learn and feel loved and worthy..... Instead of worrying that I have to win, I need to focus on TRUTH and the heart of my children. The children that God created gave to us to bring up. He knows what they need before I do. I need to pray and ask and then listen to what that is. All of these changes they are starting to go through are just the beginning and they will be facing situations in the near future will have such a big impact as to how they will learn love and grace. I want to focus on that!!!

So today was not the best, but it did get better and I still love homeschooling them. I'm not ready to give up by any means. They are so precious even when they are being stubborn. I know that God has some big plans for us through this adventure that we began just 10 days ago. I am looking forward to helping them "bloom" and "blooming "with them..........

I have spent countless minutes of my life worrying about myself. Thoughts have consumed me like: How do others see me? Do they like me? Am I making the right decisions? How can I be happier? If my family acts a certain way what will people think of me? If I don't say the right thing will I look stupid? Why do things happen to me? ...........etc...etc..etc.

I never viewed myself as a selfish person, you know, someone who would put their own interests in front of others. I think most people I know would consider me to be thoughtful and caring if you were to ask pretty much anyone I knew. It wasn't until earlier this year that God had showed that yes I am selfish. Maybe not in the traditional worldly view of selfishness, but yes selfish.

It seemed silly. I didn't always have to have my own way. I wasn't unpleasant or had a "mine mine mine" attitude. But then I realized one day while asking God.. "why have you not given this to me. I have prayed! I have hurt! I have cried! I have changed into a better woman! I have turned the other cheek....don't I deserve it? " , was that I just kept asking for something else.... something instead of being content where I was, the place where God wanted me to be....

Then it hit me like a tone of bricks!!! The underlying part of that whole prayer was me.....me me me me me. I never even toyed with the fact that maybe prayers were not being answered because I spent so much time thinking about how everything affected me and what I can do to change things instead of just turning the power over to God....Why do I always think my way is better than God's?..Why do I try to be in charge?... WAKE UP Jessica! You are selfish!

That was quite a blow to my ego...I just couldn't believe that he thought that, which brings me on to another quality I just found out I had...PRIDE!!...What ME prideful, never in a million years . I just laughed at the thought.

So it took a few days and I finally...slowly...I started to accept that ok maybe I am selfish and prideful. I realized that yes I can pray for something, but just because I'm praying doesn't mean that I will get what I want. God will give my family and I what He knows we need. My ideas and desires are not bigger than HIS. He has a plan and I need to be patient , open, and accepting to whatever that will be....

As my husband, Rob, and I are getting close to celebrating 12 years of marriage, I feel like I can finally say the word "celebrate" and mean it. I know it seems odd, but its true. We married and started a family before we even had a chance to get to know each other and become friends. After a very long road w/what seemed to be mostly down than ups, we are finally friends and enjoy being with each other, talking, laughing, and "blooming" together.

This year proved to be the best for our marriage. We were busier than ever, he hardly worked at times, the kids were more demanding than ever, and financially we struggled throughout the whole year. For most couples, these things can tear them apart. We on the other hand do things a little backwards in the Whitehouse family. All of these trials actually brought us closer and we built a loving friendship that I deeply cherish and will continue for a lifetime. I think the biggest part of our genuine change was that we both at the same time were praying and allowing God to be a part of our marriage. God has given us so many blessings, some we couldn't even see were blessings at the time. I remember coming to the realization that after all of the junk we had to go through, our separation, deaths in the family, medical issues, lies, fears, and just plain anger and ugliness, were simply just steps we had to take. While all of those are heartbreaking and serious issues, I now know they were just a small part of a bigger plan. A plan for 2 very selfish very prideful people to learn about pure and genuine LOVE.

Things aren't perfect, never will be, but the growth we have achieved makes it easier to accept the imperfections and just LOVE regardless. If someone would have told me 6 yrs. ago that we would still be married today, I would have scoffed, how could anything bloom from such ugliness....?

God has put some amazing couples in our life. Couples who were genuine, who didn't hold back and who put God in the center of their lives. Through these marriages we have learned so much. We have learned that even those "perfect couples" we thought had the best marriages, really are struggling too and not so "perfect". Their obedience of listening to God to share about their own trials helped save my own marriage. I have learned that trials can be a gift, sometime for ourselves, but sometimes and it seems like most of the time, they are for someone else. I'm sure our friends never thought that their trials would somehow help our marriage, but it did. God has used this to teach me that I need to be real, to be genuine and share not only my triumphs, but also and more importantly sometimes, my trials.

I try to remember during my own trials that maybe there is no lesson to be learned for myself , but for someone else out there. I don't always remember it right away, but sometimes it happens. I am kind of known for sharing too much information at times :)....I guess if I share something that helps someone and that brings glory to God, I will keep on doing it regardless of the occasional mishaps/embarrassments...and let me tell you, the latter of the two happens frequently.....

Here is a recent pic of my hubby and I.