My kids have been in the public school system about 6 yrs and this year we knew we were being called to change that. I was very nervous, but with God's direction and the prayers and support from lots of friends, we began.....

Today was day 10 of homeschooling the kids this year. It was a very tough day full of raw emotions, failures, and forgiveness. I realized that my youngest is as stubborn or even just maybe a little more stubborn than I was when I was a child. Or rather, maybe he is much bolder in his stubborness than I was. The whole day I just kept saying "don't back down, be strong, stand firm, don't let him get his way, (and my favorite), I will win" . So if you know my son, I can tell you that he was thinking the SAME thoughts except I think his were compounded by the fact that his hormones are slowly changing and I was not being as patient as he needed me to be. Grace was not my best feature today by any means. Maybe I was so wrapped up in my pride and of being so right, I really didn't see that he was hurting. I don't even think he knows why he is hurting...I sure never found out, but it definitly was genuine frustration and exasperation.

I spend way too much time thinking that I can't let them "get away" with things, that I'm not opened to the fact that they might need a mom who will take the high road and find another solution instead of demanding they obey the solution I felt was right in the beginning. Surely I don't mean that I will let them get away with something that is wrong or that consistency isn't necessary , because I believe it most certainly is. But I need to really take each moment of frustration and disobedience and tailor according to what will help them truly learn and feel loved and worthy..... Instead of worrying that I have to win, I need to focus on TRUTH and the heart of my children. The children that God created gave to us to bring up. He knows what they need before I do. I need to pray and ask and then listen to what that is. All of these changes they are starting to go through are just the beginning and they will be facing situations in the near future will have such a big impact as to how they will learn love and grace. I want to focus on that!!!

So today was not the best, but it did get better and I still love homeschooling them. I'm not ready to give up by any means. They are so precious even when they are being stubborn. I know that God has some big plans for us through this adventure that we began just 10 days ago. I am looking forward to helping them "bloom" and "blooming "with them..........